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*caution: this post is to neither gain or lose followers, supporters, friends or anything there like. this is just a rant from the bethani broadcasting system*

maybe its me finally being an adult and having to help support a family &/or myself. or maybe its the fact that i've finally gotten my "voice." but seriously this place we call america is getting to be too much.  putting forty hours into a work week seems to be not enough anymore. its like we all need two jobs to make us feel like we are earning something.

its that time. its insurance enrollment time. and its come to my attention that every year its getting worse and worse.  prior to this enrollment period, i was either oblivious, naive or just playing ignorant, but things didnt seem so bad. now they just flat out piss me off.

its one of those worlds where you can't go without insurance. well apparently you can and get it for "free" from hardworking individuals like myself, but i have more respect for myself and others than that. dont get me wrong and start your slanderous comments already.. hear me out.. there are individuals out there who need the help. and i for one don't mind it at all.. never have.. i donate regularly.. i've purchased foods for the needy.  i give spare bills and change to the "santas" that stand outside hobby lobby and walmart at christmas.. i'm not a selfish person..i promise..

but i just can't wrap my head around the other people. that group that makes the really needy folks lose out on what all our systems were set up for.. those on government assistance driving nicer cars than i do, who i watch buy lottery tickets and beer, but everything else on their food stamps and wic cards. those fully capable who can work & just dont want to.

i've had to take a really deep breath today making those insurance selections. the prices are insane and generally unfair, but its a necessity, whether i like it or not. 

i'm taking a chance & ranting

weheartit

I'm putting it out there.  I'm laying everything including my blog on the line.  There's alot of things in life that I don't understand and even more that we're not supposed to understand. 

But I understand this much.  People gravitate towards other people. Typically.  You want people to like you.  It's a human being's natural instict - to be liked.  And here lately, I've had a really problem with this. 

This post isn't trying to grab comments or sympathy or the "we're sorries."  Its not and if this further isolates myself, thats fine.  Maybe its me being a little green with envy, which is possible, we are all guilty of that at some point in our lives too, but I've noticed a few things that I really need to put out there, so my blogging experience can continue without feeling this grudge for being me.  

On the great blogosphere, I sometimes feel non-existent to most of the blogger world.  You blog to your little heart's content & nothing.  People are reading, but nothing.  I sometimes feel its like another popularity contest people are having with one another.  We shouldn't have to conform & be the way everyone wants us to be to get "comments" or new followers.  We shouldn't & thats how I feel this works.  Be someone I'm not to gain being noticed.  And I also know we're not all going to be friends and love each other and think everything everyone says is totally life changing, but if you are my friend and follower, please at least appear that you are semi-invested in my blog. Dont just stick around for your benefit only. Its wasting my time and yours. It hurts to know that you're sharing your life with the world, but it appears as though no one is listening. And if they are, they have nothing to say. 

For my gems out there that I can talk to & write to, its nice having you around. I shouldn't have to name you by name, you know who you are, you shouldn't have to ask. To be able to know I can say how I feel without that feeling of complete isolation because I expressed myself is such a nice feeling.  I enjoy having you as a part of my blogger world.  You have made this a much more pleasant place to be.  You have made my blogging worth it & I thank you for this.

If this post happens to piss people off and drive you away, then I understand, but I had to get this off my chest in order to be able to feel okay with myself at the end of the day.

This just had to be said.