Saturday, August 2, 2008

my first post to a new way of living

Dear myself,

Its funny in this world how some people worry more than others, and how some of those the worry, will worry about that silliest things.

myself for one am a prime example of this. i have always been the kind of person that worries about this or worries about that, no matter how big or small the matter is. its because i am more worried about other people and their feelings about things, than my own.

and after he broke my heart in april, i think i kind of lost a sense of who i was. like even while i was with him i lost a sense of who i was. he was one of the angriest people i had ever met, mad at generally everything.. he rarely smiled... he rarely laughed unless it was at someone elses misfortunes or mistakes, like my own, but only after pointing them out.

but now im regaining back everything i had and loved about myself. yes we always have things about ourselves we arent happy about, but if we have the ability to fix them or better them, then why waste our time being miserable? Get out there and fix them or learn to deal with them in an appropriate manner.

Im tired about being miserable. I'm tired of letting my past get the best of me. Its a way of letting them win, and im tired of it winning and not my current being, and ruining the possibility of having a wonderful future.

I spoke to someone who I currently hold dear to my heart about everything that has been bothering me, and they said its a waste of time to worry about things that you cant change... and he was right.. and if its something that i cant, then journal about it and do my best to fix it.

so here i am.. putting it all on the line.. all my worries from my past.. they are my past.. i am going to leave it at the door. starting fresh... learning to trust my instincts and not harbor on my past.. move forward.. smile more.. laugh more... stop taking so many things seriously. lighten up. have fun.. be myself.. love myself. and know that i am pretty.. even on the days when i feel completely terrible and ugly. i am going to make this happen for me and love every day for the rest of my life.

here goes nothing...its going to be worth it i know it.



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