Monday, February 2, 2009

as time continues..

From the most recent post, my life has taken many turns that I didn't expect to come about so quickly. Some of them I want to remember, and others I dont.

1/11/2009 RIP Paw-paw. We lost him about 1:45 in the morning. This was after him talking about how great he felt and everything. So it really shocked us all. I still have moments of thinking I am going to walk through the front door and he will be sitting in his chair ready to spout off "tootie tootie tootie." Thats my nickname from my gracious father and grandfather for those of you who do not know. And please refrain from using it towards me because i may have to drop kick you one if you do. We still do not know what exactly took him away from us, I rather prefer not to know, so I just like to say old age.

Luckily, that was the same night (well Sat. 1/10), I got to meet Damon's mom, Yovi, and stepdad, Ricky. And Damon got the blessing of meeting my family that night as well, because I got the call in the middle of dinner with his parents. I took the whole week off, and the vast majority was a total blur. I lost all track of who i was, what day it was and sometimes why i was off to begin with. I never though I would be writing obits and picking out the casket flowers at this age. Its not something I ever really thought about. And since all of this has taken place, life has really become more of a "REAL" thing. I mean in the past it was "REAL" but i never thought about things like that. I would do the whole what if, but never really thought about how i would feel or what it would be like to deal with something this significant. And many people reading think its just a grandparent. He just wasn't a grandparent to me. I lived with them for several months before this, preparing meals, cleaning and just kind of taking care of the both of them and as stressful and as hard as it was, I wouldnt have changed the fact of me being able to be there and spend the last couple of months of his life with him.

One thing I wish I could have changed, was his chance to meet Damon. He always wanted all the grandkids to be happy and he did whatever he could to make us happy / and give us what we needed (if it was ABSOLUTELY necessary) in order to be happy (without being spoiled.) Basic happiness. And he never really got to see that in me. I was always striving for something better or to get that one thing I wanted. And now that i had finally "found" what I needed in order to be happy, he wasn't around to see it. I wish he could of been. One day, they will meet. But until then, I just have to tell myself that he can see and approve from up above.

It brought me closer to Damon, which I think is something I needed. I need that one person.. And he's my person. Thank you for that God.

1/26/2009 Its offical. Damon is buying a house. He signed the contract and everything and building will begin in April. It is going to be beautiful. I can't wait.

Things are moving faster than I thought they would, but I am completely fine with it and its very comforting. No regrets. No what ifs. I look forward to our future and what it has in store.

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