where were you 365 days ago?

I must say one year ago I could have said I would have been a future mrs to the past relationship in my life.. I thought everything was great.. I was wrong..

I've moved on to someone new that I can look back at my past and say is so much better for me.

this past years obstacles, trials, miracles, and even few and far between accomplishments has led to see one of the craziest, most hectic, wonderful, and possibly one of the most satisfyingm rewarding and lifes purpose finding years of my life.

I have learned so many things.. I have failed at some many things.. Accomplished many things. Experienced great things. Observed some of lifes little miracles. And met some of the greatest people in my life.. All within the last 365 days..

Amazing I know.. And for that I am grateful and thankful..

Think about your last year.. Can you say the same thing?

It's seeming complete, even though it has its hasty moments

I haven't blogged in quite sometime, which seems as though I am letting myself down, only because I told myself I would do this regularly as a way to get out what I have to say, since I dont have many around to say it to.

Many things have been happening in my life since I posted last which was several months ago.. How pathetic right?

1.) I have joined a gym and gotten a personal trainer. As many know I have recently (Jan 2008) told myself I was going to kick this lazy Bethani lifestyle out and bring in one that was healthier, more active, and basically just feels better about getting out of bed everyday. In my past, alot of my days were spent fighting with myself to get up and go everyday. But currently I'm down about 40 lbs and feel completely great about myself. Yes I do still have a few problem areas that need attention (thus why I have a trainer,) but with time I know those can be fixed to my liking.

2.) My brother and his wife, Amanda have resolved all of their immature drama issues and are now rekindling what they need to have in order to maintain a healthy and long-lasting marriage. Thank God for that one!

3.) I have move in with my grandparents. Its better for me, my dad and my mom that I did that. We are more at peace now. And knowing I am able to assist my grandparents in small tasks to make their lives a little easier is always humbling..

4.) I met someone. Shocking I know, because I was seriously getting to the point where I was shunning off men and thinking I would never find someone I could truly be happy with. And then he hit (not literally) like a brick wall. He is absolutely amazing and fits in my life like a custom made ball gown. I still remember our first date and how taken aback I was the whole time, thinking how real this could not possibly be.

5.) My baking/cooking clock has been turned on at a high rate of speed. Women always talk about their baby/mommy clocks ticking.. Yea I still have yet to desire that.. *Please note* I have no desire to desore that either. But I currently LOVE cooking and baking and everything to do with the preparation of food. Maybe thats the pre fall in love with boy readiness skills I have beenlacking. I mean I have always been able to cook and bake, but had no want or desire to. Thats different now.

6.) Emilee is walking and has a tooth. Yay.. She's getting to be a big girl so fast..

Call me old, but these are a few of my babies

Yes that's right. I'm 24 years young and I collect antique tea cups and saucers... Here's just a few that I have, or what I've snapped pictures of here lately out of boredom.

The one about is from a German Cruise ship back in the 50's I believe.

Above: My dad got me this one in Louisiana.

Above: The one on the left I acquire from an antique mall and the one on the right from my mother for Christmas

Above: The one on the left is another antique store buy and the right another gift from my mother..

PS I have another 6 or so in my room that I dont have pictures of yet, but will post when I do. Then I am inheriting all my grandparents tea cups and saucers, which is another like 15-20.. Hopefully I will have pictures of them soon too!

Its finally working.... enjoy...

This is one of my most favorite pictures of all time.

Its from NYC when I went last October. I think that this tends to capture alot of hidden beauty that the world has to offer us but we are to busy to see it, and sometimes through the lens of a camera, we are able to capture it in all of its greatness.

I dont know what it is about it but everytime I look at it, I get this overwhelming sense of peace and happiness..










This is another picture that overwhelms me with peace and serenity when I look at it. When I look at it, it takes all the bad in the world away. Everything about this picture is happy emotions.




This is part of the landscape outside where I was staying while I was there.

Simple looking up while in NYC at all the tall giant size buildings that they have to offer there.

Again simplicity at its best.

Okay so thats a few of the pictures from NYC, just simple pictures that make me happy and smiley when I look at them... Here's more recent, random ones.

Seeing this sign in the afternoons makes me happy, this is where I exit to my house! YAY

My grandma (mom's mom,) whom I gonna be just like when I get old.

Oh how I excited I am.. :)

Just another productive Monday

well i was going to post abunch of pictures that i have from NYC that absolutely love.. the landscape was beautiful while i was there.

but the stinkin' upload function keeps giving me some kind of internal error nonsense.. so maybe later.

I hope everyone had a great day.

10 days til the river. :)

Transportation pool party 2008. I had fun, after letting everything go, all my insecurties and fears I had when I was around the people I work with.

And now the count down is on to the river. August 15 here we come. And I am actually extremely excited. More excited about this than I have been excited about things like this in a LONG time.

This place is beautiful.. Something about the riverwalk makes me want to live there.

my first post to a new way of living

Dear myself,

Its funny in this world how some people worry more than others, and how some of those the worry, will worry about that silliest things.

myself for one am a prime example of this. i have always been the kind of person that worries about this or worries about that, no matter how big or small the matter is. its because i am more worried about other people and their feelings about things, than my own.

and after he broke my heart in april, i think i kind of lost a sense of who i was. like even while i was with him i lost a sense of who i was. he was one of the angriest people i had ever met, mad at generally everything.. he rarely smiled... he rarely laughed unless it was at someone elses misfortunes or mistakes, like my own, but only after pointing them out.

but now im regaining back everything i had and loved about myself. yes we always have things about ourselves we arent happy about, but if we have the ability to fix them or better them, then why waste our time being miserable? Get out there and fix them or learn to deal with them in an appropriate manner.

Im tired about being miserable. I'm tired of letting my past get the best of me. Its a way of letting them win, and im tired of it winning and not my current being, and ruining the possibility of having a wonderful future.

I spoke to someone who I currently hold dear to my heart about everything that has been bothering me, and they said its a waste of time to worry about things that you cant change... and he was right.. and if its something that i cant, then journal about it and do my best to fix it.

so here i am.. putting it all on the line.. all my worries from my past.. they are my past.. i am going to leave it at the door. starting fresh... learning to trust my instincts and not harbor on my past.. move forward.. smile more.. laugh more... stop taking so many things seriously. lighten up. have fun.. be myself.. love myself. and know that i am pretty.. even on the days when i feel completely terrible and ugly. i am going to make this happen for me and love every day for the rest of my life.

here goes nothing...its going to be worth it i know it.

LOVE,

yourself